'Depressed' Souls; Prepare for Optimism

A few years ago, I was struggling in a particularly difficult time of my life. I had no money, which consequently meant I saw less of my friends and did few activities outside my house (such as going to the cinema or whatever). Looking back now, I realize I was deeply depressed. I had worked my ass off for several months for different companies; without getting paid. I was expected to work because "I wanted to make games"; which in my foolish honestly; made sense to me at the time. Even when I did acquire paid work, I finished the contracts only to not get paid. I realized that getting a job in Games Design was going to be exceptionally difficult. It seems that every job required you to have several years experience and no one was willing to take a chance. This meant I spent a few months working every day on my portfolio, which I'd now changed to focus more on Environment Art. Which seemed to be a more obtainable goal. I gave myself a deadline of 5 working days to complete each Environment that I would design. I would work from 9 til 5, in order to maintain my body clock to "work mode"; which I still have today.

During this time, I would enjoy several game streams as I became more aware of Twitch, and the personalties on it. There were several casters who I took a liking to; Ellohime, Spamfish, Excessive Profanity and ManVsGame. At this time, Dark Souls 2 had been released; a game I was really looking forward to, but couldn't quite justify buying it. So instead I watched these streamers play it; particularly ManVsGame; whom I would actually tune into every morning, to watch. What surprised me was that; these weren't the best gamers on the planet; they were simply great at providing an entertaining broadcast, through engaging with the chat and being sharp and witty should they overcome, one of the many challenges in the games they were playing. Dark Souls 2 is a game that is notoriously difficult. Not quite as difficult as the other games in the series but hard, nonetheless. Knowing this, watching ManVsGame fail repeatedly at various bosses, made me feel like I was in the fight with him. I would cheer and applaud if he beat a boss, despite no one hearing me. And bosses became tedious to me, as well as him, when he fought them in vain, losing consecutively (often up to 10 or so times). This allowed me to experience Dark Souls 2 not just as if I was playing, but also with a community. I got to experience the game I was dying to play, with all the highs and lows, and I got to feel part of a community; despite feeling very lonely. This however was merely the first step towards recovery; as a week or so later (possibly with one eye closed and trying not to think about what I was doing); I bought Dark Souls 2.

Dark Souls 2 is not one of my favourite games. I prefer Dark souls 1, I think Bloodborne is one of the finest games ever made and Demon's Souls, well, it’s... ok, it’s not as good as Dark Souls 2. But for me, Dark Souls 2 is one of the most important games I've ever played. Not because of any design choice made, or the quality of the game; but because it helped me overcome my severe depression. It taught me that perseverance would pay off in the end.

In the Souls series, there’s a set format for how to play the game. The player must be patient; this is to ensure that the player is more defensive and learns to anticipate; this is particularly important early on and consequently players cannot hope to progress without adapting their playing style. Secondly, the player will learn they are never truly alone. Yes, the player will need to overcome most challenges alone and they are usually the only person standing against it. But messages are left across the ground to help and advice other players. Phantoms (presented as Ghosts but are in fact other players) walk the same paths as you, trying to overcome the same challenges. Bloodstains are left upon death, so that players know death is around the corner if they’re not careful. But also, and perhaps most importantly, the players can summon help at nearly anytime. And in Dark Souls, the community of gamers is often more than happy to help a player achieve progress in the game. Lastly, the player must (as the tagline suggests) Prepare to Die. This is not a simple wink at the difficulty of the game. But the sooner the player learns that dying in the game, doesn’t mean failure as long as they learn something in the process; the better. This is because, theoretically if the player can reach the spot they died previously and overcome whatever befell them; they typically will be in a better position than when they died. This is because, the player will have learnt several steps already and should be able to reach the distance in less time, taking less damage, and using fewer resources. Not to mention that the ‘Souls’ regained after having been dropped, will be increased due to them being added to the Souls acquired after death. In fact, I think it’s fair to say because of this; the Souls have very little value during active Gameplay and combat; most gamers, will no doubt see them as really important. In truth it is far more important that the player can learn to use the skills they’ve already got to overcome obstacles, rather than trying to build on something that they’ve not yet achieved (see how this is starting to tie back?).

This setup is, in my opinion, a rather optimistic style of games design, once the player learns it of course. It’s one of the many reasons the Souls series has such a great cult following, aside from trying to unravel the mysteries of the stories and helping each other through fights. The challenges presented always seem great and yet are always achievable. This is because, Games are inherently optimistic as they can always be completed. And The Souls series is no different; whilst difficult, everyone knows can be beaten. Despite what some people may say or think, outside of the very first death; the game never kills you for you to learn something. In fact, the game never presents a challenge, which you can’t overcome with perseverance, skill and adaptability. This is because, From Software actually want you to reach the end, they want the player to overcome their game. Why wouldn’t they want this? The only difference between this and most games is that they want the player to feel like they’ve earned it.

Dark souls 2 presents a format of mini challenges that culminate in greater challenge; a boss. These mini challenges are simply several steps that the player must overcome to reach the boss. The bosses are always the hardest enemies the player will have fought up until that point. They of course, have varying degrees of difficulty but the biggest difficulty the player needs to overcome is the desperation of needing to defeat the boss. These challenges, great and small, combine in to something that often feels only faintly achievable. But with each small step overcome, the optimism of the player rises. This makes the game surprisingly therapeutic, but also rewarding. Bizarrely, as the game progressed, any death just made me more determined to finish the game. It seemed to me that; my hope of success was almost more exciting than success itself.

To relate back, depression is defined as “feelings of severe despondency and dejection”. Games however, are naturally the opposite of this; they’re designed to encourage the player to be optimistic and more importantly feel involved; the game doesn’t progress without the player. And as I’ve already outlined; Dark Souls 2 did this in abundance for me; but not only that, it helped me lift myself out of the dark place that had become my life. The optimism I felt playing Dark Souls 2, actually carried on into my life. I would leave the game and tell people I’d beaten this or that boss; even if they had no idea what that meant. This is because I was achieving something; ‘I’ had done it. And just as I became determined to beat Dark Souls 2, I became more determined to pull myself out of the dark place, I was in.

And sure enough, a few months later, I got the job I have had for 2 years now. Coincidentally, I’m also now playing Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin, as I look towards a new job and new challenges. 

Prepare for Optimism.